Twelve Rules For MisManaging Your Junior
1. Never give them work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to them. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt them every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind them, and monitor their work.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives the junior a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If you give them more than one job to do, don't tell them which is priority. It helps them develop their latent psychic skills.
5. Do your best to keep them late. They adore the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. They should have no life beyond their practice.
6. If a job they do pleases you, do your best to keep it a secret. If the word ever gets out, it could only lead to the junior wanting to become a partner.
7. If you don't like some junior's work, make sure you tell everyone. They like to have their name included in partnership conversations.
8. If you have any special instructions pertaining to a client's job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing a junior with useful information.
9. Never introduce the junior to the clients you are working with. They have no right to know anything. When you refer to the client later, see if they have any capacity to deduce whom you are talking about.
10. You only need be nice to a junior if the job they are doing for you could really improve your billable credits.
11. Tell the junior all the problems of partnership. They are especially inspired to learn about your having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a gifted partner.
12. Wait until their yearly review and THEN tell them what their goals SHOULD have been. Give them a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. They're not here for the money anyway.